Alwayz In The Middle

Nice Ride...

2005-10-13T22:33:00.001-05:00

Problem Child

2005-10-06T18:15:00.000-05:00

Please Do Not Attempt This Stunt At Home !
I Always Laugh My Ass Off,
When I Look at this Picture...
As you can See in the Photo,
The Radar, has the Car clocked, at 99mph in a 35mph Zone...
But, the little Red Headed, Wide-Opened-Mouth, Wild Child
Is Still Hanging On...

I have a "Few" Friends, I just Love them to Death...
We Laugh and Always have Blast...Hanging Out and Such...
But, It's Their Bad Ass, No Mannered, Snotty Nose Children,
That Drives ME So Nuts..
Lately I find myself, not inviting those few Friends, over much...
If I could Only Say, Casually,
Without leaving Anyone Hurt or Bitter...
"Hey You Guys - Come On Over Anytime"...(smiling).
"Oh"...but, BTW: "Get A Babysitter !"

Do Any Of You, Have Any Friends,
That Have Mis-Behaved Kids, Too?
If So?
How Did You Handle, This Issue?

My Two Children, were Raised, with Good Manners...
Good Manners Should Always Be,
The #1 Top Priority...

Shnoodle

2005-09-29T12:12:00.000-05:00

My Baby, My Best Friend and My Loyal Companion...
Is going to be A Daddy, for the First Time...(smiling)...
He still acts like A Puppy,
Even Though, He's Seven Years Old...

I let my Son's Girlfriend,
Take him, to her home, a couple weeks ago...
Shadow's a Toy Poodle,
And she has a Shitzu...
Someone told me Yesterday,
That there is a name, for these two..
Puppies are called, A "Shnoodle" ...
Personally, I've never heard of that breed,
Have You ?

Cool Illusion

2005-09-28T15:23:00.000-05:00

Tilt your head to the left until you see the Illusion...

You should see a lady and a child standing sideways...

Ass Backwards

2005-09-27T11:07:00.000-05:00

Redneck HMO

2005-09-24T03:40:00.000-05:00

You know that you've joined a redneck HMO if:

The Annual Breast Exam, is Conducted, at Hooter's.

The ONLY 100% Coverage Expense, is Embalming.

The Tongue Depressors, taste Faintly, of Fudgesicles.

The Proctologist, Lists his Address as The Roto-Rooter.

Preventive Care Coverage, includes: "An Apple a Day".

The Lone Star Bar and Grill is, A New an approved Pharmacy.

Your Prozac, comes in c o l o r s, and has little "m"s....on each Pill.

Your Viagra Prescription includes: A Popsicle Stick and Some Duct Tape.

Your Primary Care Physician, is Wearing Pants, you gave to Goodwill, Last Month.

Directions to the Dr.'s Office, includes: "Take a Left, when you Enter The Trailer Park."

First Day of Autumn

2005-09-22T14:22:00.000-05:00

Each day begins with simple choice,
Get up or stay in bed;
Shower, coffee, breakfast, smoke -
All choices from the head.

We make a choice to go to work,
To earn our daily bread;
We choose to do our very best,
Or just slide by instead.

And when we find our lives are wrong,
Each day is faced with dread;
We choose to stay or choose to go
Where angels fear to tread.

Our lives might end up nothing more
Than trying to get ahead;
Till sometime hence we realize
How fast the years have sped.

The path we take from day to day
Can either be followed or led;
Our lives are lines of choices made,
From birth until we're dead.

How Observant Are You

2005-09-20T19:23:00.000-05:00

There Are Nine People In This Picture.

If You Find 6, You Have Ordinary Powers of Observation.

Find 7, You Have Above Average Powers of Observation.

Find 8, You Are Very Observant. Congratulate Yourself.

Find 9, You Are Extremely Observant, Very Intuitive & Creative.

The BREAST Way To Cheat...

2005-09-16T15:55:00.000-05:00

Gross But Educational

2005-09-12T12:07:00.000-05:00

I watched a Special on TV, about Modern Medicines.
Even though It was Totally Gross ! I found it Interseting.
I did some research, of my own, to back up, what all I had heard, on the TV Show.

This is a Summary, covering the Basics about:
The Use of Leeches in Modern Medicine...

Leeches are currently being used by western Doctors, in a number of Ways, for a number of Things, and they have been found to be, very Effective.
Leeches are Currently Accepted and Used alot, in Modern Medicine.

Leeches Are Like A "Mini-Drug Store."
Hundreds of Years Ago, Leeches were "medicine cabinet staples."

An Interesting - Note:
Leeches were used on Patients of "911" in New York.

Now, Old-is-New-Again:
Today, when it comes to restoring blood circulation, after reconstructive surgery, "leeches are very effective."
Why ?
One slug-like worm, can gorge on up to five times, its own body weight, in blood !
The medicinal leech, one of 650 leech species, is a (4 inch)-long carnivorous (flesh and blood-eating) worm, found naturally and mainly in "European Bogs and Ponds".
A leech, has a sucker, on each end; the smaller one features hundreds of teeth...Surprisingly, a leech bite, Doesn't Hurt...That's because the worm's "Saliva", contains a Natural Anesthetic or Painkiller.
Leech Saliva also contains Hirudin, (a substance that keeps blood from clotting). During a 30-minute feed, a leech can draw off 30 milliliters of blood-Or-about 5 or 6 thimbles full. The leech then drops off, to digest its meal. Thanks to Hirudin, the bite keeps bleeding and promoting circulation for 12 to 15 hours." Leeches also produce a Vasodilator, or (a substance that opens blood vessels).

What about Patient Squeamishness ?
When a reattached finger, is swollen with blood, due to venous congestion, the choice is simple...
A Plastic Surgeon at Baylor College says, "We can cut your finger off, again or use a leech?" I've never had any Patient, refuse the treatment. One Patient, even gave the leeches, Names!"

Historical Use:
Medicinal bloodletting, has been practiced, since the Stone Age...Evil Spirits were thought to cause illness, and Removal of these "Evil Spirits", required blood withdrawal...Records of the medical usage of leeches...Dates back, to the Beginning of Civilization...
Illustrations of leech application to patients, were found in "Egyptian Tombs" dating back to 1500 B.C.

Toliet Paper for Hard Asses

2005-09-10T11:52:00.000-05:00

Moving To Vegas...

2005-09-07T23:58:00.000-05:00

This Friend of mine, is so damn funny...And So Much Fun, To Be Around...He tells Great Stories...Some are True and Some are Fiction/JOKE...
He'll be real serious, when Telling A Story...
I'm listening to what all, he's saying...
Then - When, it Absorbs in My Brain...
I know, I've done fell for it again...(smiling)...
It's Cool, because, I Love To Laugh...
This is the Latest Story, he told Me...

He said: He walked into the Bedroom, the other Night,
To find his Wife, packing her Suitcase...
He said "where You going?"
She answered "I'm moving to Las Vegas."
"I heard Ladies get paid, $400 a Night, there,
For doing, what I do, for You...for Free, here!"
He walked down stairs and thought about it.
He went back to the Bedroom and started packing, his Suitcase...
She asked him, "Where was He going?"
He said "I'm going to Vegas, too...
I want to see You, live on $800 a Year."

Ass-Atlas ?

2005-09-06T23:01:00.000-05:00

I Came Aross This Picture,
And I Just Don't Know?
What Is, The Real Meaning,
Of This Photo ?
Is This A Picture Of Someone,
That People Refer To,
As Sitting On Top, Of The World ?
Is This A Guy's Ass ?
Or An Ass, Of A Girl ?
Is It A Temporary TaT ?
Or Is Permanent Tattoo ?
Maybe, A Road Map ?
Or Half Of An Atlas ?
The Fine Print, On the Bottom Corners,
It Might Be, A Cover of A Book ?
Well, If You Wish To ?
Tell Me What You Think,
After You Take A Look....
I Have No Clue....

CYBER DESK

2005-09-05T23:22:00.000-05:00

Joel & Victoria

2005-09-04T23:59:00.000-05:00

I Love the Lord, with All My Heart...
I don't enjoy watching, Preachers on TV...
But, in the last few months,
I've discovered "Joel Osteen's", Show...
He is such a Wonderful Man...
He is Always Smiling and So Happy...
He's Soft Spoken, Loving and Funny too...
He has helped me, Smile More, and be Happier in My Life...
I hope if you do watch him and his wife Victoria,
They'll make you Happy Too...
After watching Joel's Show, tonight...
I decided to visit his Website...

Even though his message tonight, was not pretaining, to the Hurricane...
I seen he had posted, on his website, all about, helping the Hurricane Victims...

I wanted to share, what he had Posted
On his Home Page, below:

It is the storms and challenges of life that strengthen us.
Remain faithful in adversity.
As you do, God will turn every situation around and use it
for your Good and His glory. (Ephesians 6:13)

If You Ever Feel Depressed, Lonely, Lost and/or Low?
I want to "Only", make a Suggestion, to Anyone, who might read, this Post...
I Promise You...You'll feel so much Happier and be Smiling,
by the End of His Show...

Killer Katrina

2005-08-31T22:55:00.000-05:00

Sunday Afternoon Aug. 28th:
It's so wicked sounding outside, the winds are Howling like a pack of Wolves.
The trees are swaying and rubbing the sides of my house while the Shingles are flying off my Roof.
Along with the Winds and Rain...
The Noise alone, is driving me in sane..
I've prepared, the Best I can, hoping I remembered, to do everything as planned ..
Now, all there is left to do is Pray, that the power doesn't go off right away, and I lose my A/C..
Well, the power and A/C has gone off, so we start up Our Generator for Our Frig, Fan and TV..
I took a short nap and when I awoke, to my surprise "Katrina" had jumped from a category 3 to a 5 !
As thoughts, run through my head, "This Is Bad! Can We All Survive A Catergory Five?"
My Windows are boarded up..I hope that will help keep, us safe, from flying debri and broken Glass...
I can't sleep now...thinking I need to stay Awake and Alert...In case A Tornado comes thru, I can Haul Ass...
Where to Go??
I don't Know??
North-No !
East-No !
West-I don't think so !
South-Hell No ! I'll be in the Gulf of Mexico...
The Lightning and Thundering is getting worse...
I hope to continue on...When this "Damn Hurricane" is Gone...

Wednesday Night Aug.31st:
To update my post above, my power and water was off, for 3 days..
I spend, alot of time praying, that Myself and Immediate Family are OK..
My heart is breaking, for the people, I've watched on TV, the last few Days.
In LA., MS, and Alabama that got hit So Bad,
By the devastation, of this Killer Hurricane, It's So SAD!
I had to take a break, from watching the coverage, on TV..
Seeing the Looters, taking advantage of Business's and Family Homes, was Making me sick and VERY MAD!

Men-Men-Men

2005-08-26T11:22:00.000-05:00

Annoying Telemarketers

2005-08-24T23:33:00.000-05:00

Telemarketers "Suck Big Time"!
Here Are Some Ways, To Rid Your Life,
Of These "Assholes" For Good...

1. If They Want To Loan You Money ? Tell Them, You Just Filed For Bankruptcy and You Could Sure Use Some "Money !" (smiling)

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because No One these days, seems to Care, and I have All these problems. My arthritis is acting up, I just got laid off work, my dog just died, etc . "

3. When the Telemarketer says, her Name is "Judy"...Cry Out in Surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give "Judy" a few brief moments of terror, as she tries to figure out, where she could know you from.

4. If MCI calls, trying to get You to Sign Up, for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice, as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my Friend?"

5. If the Company, Cleans Rugs respond: "Can you get out Blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about Human Blood?"

6. Ask Them To Repeat "Everything" They Say, Several Times...

7. Tell the Telemarketer, you are on "Home Incarceration" and ask if They could bring you over some Beer...

8. Ask them to Fax the Information to You and make up A Number.

9. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll Listen to You. But, I should probably tell You...I'm Not Wearing Any Clothes and I'm Horny."

10. Insist that the Caller is, really your buddy "Leon", playing a Joke. "Come on, Leon, Cut it out! Seriously, Leon...how's your momma been doing ?"

11. Tell them, you are Hard of Hearing and that they need to Speak Up... louder...LOUDER...!

12. Tell them, to Talk Very Slowly, because, you want to Write Every Word, they are saying Down.

Out of Control Collection

2005-08-19T15:03:00.000-05:00

My Mother gave me this Neat & Unqiue Wooden Elephant Sculpture, when I was 24yrs old...The detailed "hand carved" Elephant, was so Amazing to Me..It sat upon her Shelf, in a Walking Motion, with the his Trunk, swaying downward...It was originally, from Africa...Her older sister, had brought it back, from her Safari Holiday years ago, as a gift & she gave it to My Mom...I always thought it was So Beautiful & I Still Do....I mentioned to My Mother one day, If she ever decided to get rid of it, I would Love to have it...In her soft spoken voice & with her sweet smile, she replied, "Sure Honey..You Take It Home with You, Today"..I was so Excited, but I felt sort of Guilty too, because, I had just put her, on the spot..I said "Oh No, Mother, I couldn't...Aunt Laura gave you that"...She replied,smiling, "You Love It - It really doesn't go, with my Decor, besides that...it's just sets on the shelf, collecting dust...so, I Want You To Have It".. I would've never Imagined, from That 1st Elephant - My Mother gave me, 20 years ago.. I would've accumilated, over 550 Elephants, since then! Out of Curiousity, I Counted Them All, the other Day..From My Wood Carved Ones, Indoor & Outdoor Chimes, Glass Ones, Musical Ones..ETC.. I even have 2 in my Yard, A Elephant Bird Bath & Flowing Fountain Statue...Thirty are, Stuffed Animals...I have a Beautiful Large Elephant Picture that I absolutely Love, throw pillows, costume jewlery Plus Expensive Fine/Gold & Silver Jewlery, as well, ETC..The Number in my Collection, would be much Higher, but sadly, throughout the years, some have broke, beyond repair...Each Elephant of Mine, has a Story behind it..(smiling)..When I glance at Any One of Them... I have a pleasant memory, of The Friend or Family Member, that gave it to me, When & Where...I've developed a bad habit - Everywhere I go...If I spot an elephant, I Buy It ! I've just about, beat that bad habit.. Collecting Elephants for me, works out Great & Makes it Easier for My Loved Ones...when buying for me, on my Birthday and at Christmas Time...They buy me, an Elephant, Knowing that...(I Will Love It)...

Also, Living in Alabama (The University of Alabama, College Football Team) "The Crimson Tide", their mascot, is an Elephants' Head.. So, I have tons of BAMA Stuff, Too...btw: "Roll Tide!"..

Around 5 years ago, I heard IF the Trunk is Turned Upward It Means: (Good Luck)..I'm very Superstious..So, I just Assumed, that it meant, If Trunk is downward, that would mean, Bad Luck ?? I was torn with, what to do, with nearly half of my Elephants, that had their trunks downward ? Do I get Rid of them or what ? Then shortly afterwards, I learned that the Trunk Downward, meant Nothing (good or bad)..this was ONLY For the Trunk Up on Elephants "GOOD LUCK"...What a Sigh of Relief...(smiling)...Because, that would mean, the very first one "My Mother" had given me, would have to Go..But, thank goodness, I heard the correction, on the superstition in time..(smiling)...before, I got rid of the (Questionable Ones).

I don't want to give Anyone, the Impression, I have a Cluttered-Home, filled with nothing but Elephants..Because, I Don't...I mainly have a theme with them, in my Office, Bedroom & Bathroom Decro...I also have many, wrapped up & stored in a safe place..The Ironic Thing about My Collection is...I really don't Like "Live" Elephants, At All...I don't even think, they're Beautiful Animals..The Closest I've been to them, is at the Zoo & EWWW-They smell bad, too! I have No Desire, to get too closeup, to a 2 ton Animal, of any kind, Either..

The Difference is: "I Love the Art Work".. The Unique Sculptures, Detailed Shapes & All Their Beautiful Colors...
I Guess the Point of My Story is: Be Aware:"An Obbsession-of A Collection-Can Get Out of Control"...Like It Did With Me....

Have A Wonderful Weekend !

CHEERS

2005-08-18T14:22:00.000-05:00

It's A Southern Thang

2005-08-16T13:47:00.000-05:00

In the South, Satellite Dishes are Very Popular : When you purchase one, It's Positioned, Directly in Front of the House.
This is Logical - Bearing in Mind, That "The Dish" Cost Considerably More Than the House and Should, Therefore Be, Prominently Displayed.

SOUTHERN Slang :

1. I Reckon', I'll Go..
2. This is Gooder'n Grits..
3. He's as Country as Cornflakes..
4. We'll meet Yall around Dark-thirty..
5. Well, butter my Butt & call me A Biscuit..
6. It's so Dry, The Trees, are Bribing, The Dogs..
7. She's so stuck up - she'd drown, in A Rainstorm..
8. It's been hotter'n a Goat's Butt, in a Pepper Patch..
9. Busier than A Cat - covering Crap - On A Marble Floor..
10. My Cow Died Last Night, So - I Don't Need, Your BULL ..
11. Have a cup of Coffee - It's already been - Saucered & Blowed..
12. Don't Pee, on My Leg or Down My Back & Tell Me, It's Raining..
13. He fell out of the ugly tree & hit every branch, on the way down..
14. If things get any better, I may have to hire someone, to help me, Enjoy It..
15. Ham & Eggs - A Day's Work for Our Chicken - A Lifetime Commitment From Our Pig..
16. My Husband and I Divorced Over Religious Differences... He Thought He Was God and I Didn't..

"OLD" IS WHEN...

2005-08-15T12:51:00.000-05:00

An "ALL Nighter" means: Not getting up to Pee!

Going Bra-less, pulls all the Wrinkles, out of your Face.

Getting Lucky means: You find Your Car, in the Parking Lot.

Getting a Little Action means: I Don't Need To Take Any Fiber... Today.

"A Sexy Babe" Catches Your Fancy... and Your Pacemaker Opens... The Garage Door!

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're Barefoot.

Your Sweetie says..."Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer..."Honey, I can't do Both!"

Full Deck...

2005-08-13T23:58:00.000-05:00

Witty Puns...

2005-08-12T19:00:00.000-05:00

Politics: A Parrot that has swallowed a Watch
(Polly-Ticks)

Acoustic: Instrument used in Billiards
(A-Cue-Stick)

Polygon: Dead Parrot
(Polly-Gone)

Violin: Bad Hotel

(Vile-Inn)

Dilate: To Live Long

(Die-Late)

Candle: Jarred pickles

Condense: Prison Prom

Ideal: A Poker Table Cry

Locus: Obscene Muttering

Debate: What Lures de Fish

Nitrate: Lower than the day rate

Zebra: The Largest Bra Available

Candor: Opening door to the John

Senile: A Reason for going to Egypt

Sewer: One Who Brings Legal Action

Aversion: One Side of a disputed Story

Suburban: Liquor served on a Submarine

Diploma: The Person Who Fixes the Pipes

Eclipse: What the Gardener does to the Hedge

Natalee's Mother

2005-08-12T14:50:00.000-05:00

In my lifetime, I've admired many people...
It would be too many, to name them all...
Today, I would like to talk about a strong woman that I admire...
Her name is "Beth Holloway Twitty"...
I've follwed her daughter, Natalee's Missing Story, in Aruba...Since the beginning...
I pray every night, for the safe return of Natalee...
Or if not safe...at least her body found...
Where "Mrs. Twitty", has some type closure, in this Nightmare...
She will leave no stone un-turned, until she finds out The Truth...
Myself, as a Mother, I would have done lost my mind...
But, she has so much Faith, Strength and Determination...it's Amazing...
The Not Knowing, has got to be, the worst thing a Parent can experience...
Natalee is Loved So Much...
By her Family, Friends and the millions of people...keeping up with her story...
God Bless Natalee & Her Family...

Whys ?

2005-08-11T22:00:00.000-05:00

Why is A Boxing Ring, Square?

Why is it, Rain-drops...but Snow-falls?

Why is "abbreviated", such a Long Word?

Why is what doctors do, called "Practice"?

Why is it Necessary, to nail down, the lid of a Coffin?

Why is the third hand, on a Watch, called a second hand?

Why can't Women, put on Mascara, with their mouths closed?

Why is it called Lipstick, if you can still move your Lips, after you use it?

Why don't you Ever See, Headline "Psychic-Wins-Lottery!"?

Why is Lemon Juice, made with Artificial Flavor, and Dishwashing Liquid made with, Real Lemons?

Seven Dwarfs

2005-08-11T12:12:00.000-05:00

Mommie Dearest

2005-08-10T23:59:00.000-05:00

True Or False

2005-08-10T13:11:00.000-05:00

Adults, are just Kids - Who Owe Bills...
Housework, Done Properly - Will Kill You...
No One is Listening, Until You Make a Mistake...
4 out of 5 Voices, in My Head...says, "GO FOR IT"....

If You Can't Feed 'em....Don't Breed 'em...
Depression, Is Anger, Without the Enthusiasm...
Few Women - Admit Their Age, Fewer Men - Act It...
Don't Sweat "Petty Things" & Don't Pet "Sweaty Things"....

Gun Control Means - Use 2 Hands...
Beauty is in, The Eyes, of A Beer Holder...
24 hrs in A Day...24 Beers in A Case..."Coincidence ?"
A Bartender, is just like, A Pharmacist, With a Limited Inventory...

Early Bird "Gets the Worm" But, the 2nd Mouse "Gets the Cheese"!

I Want To Know

2005-08-08T17:55:00.000-05:00

Wouldn't You Want ?
A Family Member /Or A Friend,
To Take, The Time And Tell You ....

IF....You Sat Down or Leaned On, Something ?
That, You have a Stain, on the back, of Your Pants...
Or Maybe ? There Is, Some Chewing Gum, that is,
Stuck...In Your Hair ! You-Might...Just-Care ?

To Explain: What I'm Trying, To Say !
I Ate Some...Steamed Broccoli, Yesterday.
Several Hours...Passed By...
I Went About My Merry Way...
Without, Ever Looking Into...A Mirror...All Day...

Some People, Looked at Me, Strangely...
Some Chose, To Keep Quiet...
Some Seemed, To Be...Laughing At Me ?
But, I Didn't, Know Why ?
Normally, I Wouldn't Care...
But, Sometimes...I DO CARE...
DAMNIT !
Like-If, "Broccoli"...Is-Between...My-Teeth !
While I'm In, The Public !
And I'm Not...AWARE of It !
SHIT !

Right Before Bedtime:
I Passed by, "A Mirror"...
I Stopped, and Took A Good Look...
I Said, OMG !
Do I Have "Broccoli" Stuck,
Between My Teeth ?
How Could, NO ONE...Not, Tell Me ?

For The Record:
Myself......I-Want-To-Be-Told !
No Matter, If It's, "Brocolli" on my Teeth.
A Stain On My Clothes Or,
A Booger, On My Nose !
I Want To Know !
So, Please Tell Me...
Immediately !

I'd Much Rather Be, Embaressed, by One,
Then to be, Embaressed..."By Everyone !"

So, The Next Time, You Ask Yourself ?
Do I Say Anything Or Just Keep Quiet ?
I Hope You Decide...To Take A Chance...
And Discreetly, Tell Your Friend,
Or Take Them Over, To A Mirror...
And Ask Them, To Take A Glance...

Dreamin'...

2005-08-06T19:10:00.000-05:00

WHAT DO DREAMS REALLY MEAN ?

Old Wives Tales
Dreams and Their Meanings...
Some Dreams, On The List Below...Are Odd And Other Are Interesting...
Do You Know, of Anymore? Old Wives Tales, Pertaining to Dreams and Their Meanings? That I May Have Forgotten..
Lets Start Off, With My Favorite Dream... "Angels"...

ANGELS: A Favorable Dream, Forecasting Success, Protection, Happiness and Rewarding Friendships.

BALLOONS: Seeing Balloons, in your Dream...Indicates Hope, on Any and All Fronts; Business and/or Love.

TEA: To Dream, that you are Thirsty, for Tea...means that you will be, Surprised with...Un-Invited Guests.

HONEY: To Dream of, Eating Honey... foretells, that You Will Attain..."Wealth and Love".

HAIR: Dreaming about HAIR, means that you are, Careless in your, "Personal Affairs".

YARN: To Dream of Yarn...foretells, you will, Soon become, The Wife of a Wealthy Man.

JAIL: To Dream, that you are, in Jail...signifies, your feelings of, "Confinement and Suffocation".
RUNNING: If You Dream of Running...It's A Sign, of A Big Change...in Your Life to Come.

BIRTH: If you Dream of Death, it's a Sign of a Birth....If you Dream of Birth, it's a Sign of Death.

AN OWL: To Dream of An Owl... foretells... a Narrow Escape, from a Horrific illness or death.

A CROW: Seeing a Crow, in your dream, means Disappointment in Everything... "Grief and Misfortune".

DOGS: To Dream about A Dog, indicates Great Gain and having Constant Friends...To Hear the Sound of "Barking" - Dogs...foretells, News of a Depressing Nature.

CATS: Dreaming of Cats....Is Generally.... "An Unfortunate Omen" ! It shows treachery...as well as (A Run-of Bad LUCK )! ...Dreaming of Cats "Attacking You" - Represent Enemies.

SNAKES: To See, A Lone Snake and feel Threatened by it...shows that you have, An Enemy, that is working, Against You.

SPIDERS: All Spiders, Except Tarantulas, are Good Luck Omens...The Larger the Spider, the Bigger the Rewards....If you See a Spider, climbing the wall, you will have, your Biggest Wish, Come TRUE.

RACCOON: To Dream of A Raccoon, It Warns you, to be on your Guard.!. To be Chased, in your Dream, by A Raccoon...shows that a person, you thought, was a Friend, has turned on You, and now works, behind your back, for your Downfall.

FALLING: To Dream of Falling...indicates a Loss of "emotional equilibrium or self-control"...It may represent, a Fear, of Failure or an Inability, to Cope with any, Situation.

DRIVING: If you dream that, You are Driving a Vehicle, it's a sign, that you should be Careful ! To Take-No Chances, with your Money, such as the Lottery Or Gambling, in the Next Few Weeks... If Someone Else is doing the Driving, you will find yourself... in Luck, Money Wise.

LIGHTS: A Light, Shining Out of the Dark, or a Flashlight Beam, shows that you will, finally find The Truth, in a Situation or the Answer...to a Personal Problem, that you have been, Searching For.

OCEAN: If you Dream about the Ocean, you are Standing on Shore, Watching the Waves Foam Up, as they break - over the Beach...foretells, that Someone will experience,.. A Narrow Escape, from An Accident.

WATER: Dreaming of Clear Water, is a Sign, of Good Luck and Prosperity...A dream of Muddy Water...foretells, sadness and/or sorrow, through hearing, of an illness or death of someone, you know, well.

MAGIC: To Dream of being, Mystified and/or Amused, by A Magician/Magic...foretells, An Exciting Reunion, with a long-lost Friend or the rekindling, of a past Love Affair.

What The Hell

2005-08-04T15:03:00.000-05:00

When You Look, At The Photo, Above ?

What Did You, First Think Of ?

What Did You See ?

Or Whom Did You See ?

Pretty Damn Freaky !

If You Ask Me !

*LOL*

R-U-A-Redneck

2005-08-03T23:35:00.000-05:00

You know you're a redneck when:

1. You take your Dog, for a walk & you Both, use the same Tree.
2. Your working TV, sits on top, of your non-working TV.
3. You have used, a Toilet Brush, as a Back Scratcher.
4. You have A Rag, for A Gas Cap.
5. You burn your Yard, rather than Mow it.
6. You keep a can of Raid, on the Kitchen Table.
7. You took a Fishing Pole, to "Sea World".
8. The Salvation Army, Declines', Your Mattress.
9. You think Fast Food is, hitting a Deer, at 65 m.p.h.
10. You think a Quarter Horse, is that Ride, in front of K-Mart.
11. You think A Hot Tub is, stolen Indoor Plumbing.
12. You can Spit, without opening, your Mouth.
13. Your Wife, can climb a Tree, faster than your Cat.
14. Your Grandmomma, has "ammo", on her Christmas List.
15. You have hit on Somebody, in a VD clinic.
16. You think a Subdivision is, part of a, Math Problem.
17. You have used, your Ironing Board, as a Buffet Table.
18. The biggest City, you've ever been to, is "Walmart".
19. You have the local Taxidermist, on speed dial.
20. You missed, 5th Grade Graduation, because you had, Jury Duty.
21. You come back, from the Dump, with more than, you took.
22. You've been Involved, in a Custody Fight, over a Hunting Dog.
23. Your Property, has been mistaken, for a Recycling Center.
24. You think the "Nutcracker" is, something you did, off the high dive.
25. You offer to give someone, the shirt off your back & they don't want it.
26. Your neighbors think, you're A Detective, because a Cop, always brings, you home.
27. A Tornado, hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth,of Improvement.
28. You have a Complete Set, of Salad Bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
29. You consider, your "License Plate" personalized, because your Father, made it....
30. Your entire Family, sat around waiting, for a call from the Governor, to spare a loved one.

Wal-Mart Shoppers!

2005-08-02T23:00:00.000-05:00

THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART WHILE YOUR FRIENDS/FAMILY TAKE THEIR OWN SWEET TIME :

1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them...in peoples' carts, when they, aren't looking.

2. Set All the Alarm Clocks to go off...at 10-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of Orange Juice, on the floor, to the Rest Rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a Code 3 in House Wares," and see what happens.

5. Put some M & M's....on Lay Away...LOL...

6. Move "CAUTION WET FLOOR" Signs, to carpet areas.

7. Set up a tent, in the camping department, tell others, you'll only invite them in... if they bring pillows, from the bedding department.

8. When someone asks if they can help you...begin to cry and ask, "Why won't You People, leave me alone."

9. Look right into the Security Camera...and use it, as a Mirror...while you pick your nose.

10. Dart around suspiciously, while humming the Theme, from 'Mission Impossible'.

11. While handling Guns in the Hunting Department...ask the clerk, If he knows ,where the anti-depressants, are.

12. Hide in the clothing rack and when people Browse through, whisper "PICK ME! PICK ME !"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker,
Assume the Vetal Postion and Scream...
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go to the fitting room and Yell real loud.."HEY, we're out of, toilet paper, in here!"

Timbucktu

2005-08-01T19:20:00.000-05:00

The "National Poetry Contest"....had come down to...Two Semifinalists...
A "Yale Graduate" and "A Redneck from Wyoming"...
They were given... A Word and then, allowed 2 minutes, to study...The Word...
Then come up, with a Poem, that contained, That Word...

The Word, they were given, was "TIMBUKTU" ...

First to Recite his Poem, was the Yale Graduate...
He stepped to the Microphone & Recited.

Slowly across the Desert Sand,
Trekked A Lonely Caravan.
Men on Camels, Two by Two...
Destination: Timbuktu.

Then The Redneck, it was time, for Him...
He stepped to the Microphone & Said.

Me and Tim....A Huntin' , We Went,
Met Three Whores, in A Pop-Up Tent.
They Was Three, and We was Two...
So I Bucked One... and Tim-buk-tu.

Reality TV

2005-07-31T13:08:00.000-05:00

The Last 2 Days,...Have been, A New Experience, for me..
I normally, get pissed off, when I'm home, on a weekend...I miss my regular Shows, Like Fox News & The Soaps...etc.
But, There has been this "Reality Marathon TV Show", on all weekend.."For Satellite Tv Customers, it's Channel 250"..
One of my sons, was over yesterday, watching this Channel...I found myself, So involved, in watching this "Temptation Island Episode #3"-..To the End...Finally, it went off at Midnite-Sat/Sun.am. and So-Did-I ! I even dreamed, about these people.. I had "O.D."on... watching...All Day Long..

These 4 couples expose, their self, to Other Studs & Hotties..for 3 weeks, On Paradise Island(s).
They go to seperate Islands, APART, then-their partners do...While 50 Hot Single Men & Women, Flirt- Lie & More, to make them, forget their Partners Name, Rank & Cereal Number...LOL...
Then, The Producer's using a Laptop, show the other Partners, what their Partners, are doing over there, Every other day..(Have I lost you yet?) It's a Crazy! Funny! Erotic! Action Packed! & Full of Drama! Oh Well, some times, if you might be home, on a weekend..With nothing else on the TV to watch...Check it out..

Now, its Noon Sunday..I wake up, to find myself, watching the same channel...Wow - Now it's..A Show called "5th Wheel"...These two shows have made Me Very Aware..There is no Limits, what some people, will do, to be on TV & Act a Fool..

Personally, I'd be doing, some bitch slapping, to most all these Girls, that have Perfect Purchased Bodies & No Brain Cells..
This goes the same, for some of these Weirdo Guys & Gals on "5th Wheel Show" ...
Before I close, My Post, for today..There is One more show, I seen..This a.m. Same Channel..It's called "EXTREME DATING"...OMG! It is, As Wild, as the other, Two..LOL..
I must like-what I'm watching?..No One's Making Me...It's something different, I guess?
I just realized...DUH! I'm watching, the Rerun, from yesterday...
Time to change the channel, for me...
So, tune in, if you Dare or Care to..(smiling)..Try it? You May Like It? Or Not?
Like I said, this Channel is New-to Me.. But, It might Not? Be New for You...

Have A Wonderful Sunday!

A Dozen Ideas To Do For Fun

2005-07-30T18:22:00.000-05:00

1. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running-Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives!" ...They're Loose...

2. Put Decaf - In The Coffee Maker - For 3 Weeks... Once "Everyone" Has Gotten Over, Their Caffine Addictions...Then Switch To Espresso!

3. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car, Wear Sunglasses & Point A Hair Dryer...At Passing Cars...See If.. They Slow Down Or Throw Shit Out!

4. In The Memo Field, Of All Your Checks.....Write-->For "Sexual FAVORS" ..LOL..

5. When The Money, Comes Out Of The ATM - "Scream" I Won! I Won!

6. Make Sure,To Specify,That Your "Drive - Through - Order" Is TO GO!

7. Put "Mosquito - Netting" Around Your Work Area & Make Tropical Sounds...

8. Five Days - In Advance...Tell Your Friends..."Sorry"...You Can't Attend Their Party...

9. Page Yourself At Work - Over The Intercom...."Don't Disguise Your Voice"...

10 Dont Use Any Punctuation When Writing

11. Sing Along, At The Opera....No Lip-Syncing...LOL...

12. Tell Your Children Over Dinner... Due To, The Economy, We Are Going To Have To, Let One Of You Kids Go...

Awh Shit !

2005-07-29T23:56:00.000-05:00

The Word "Shit" may just be, the most used word, in Any Language.

You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains..
With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can sell shit, buy shit, smoke shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits..
There is bull shit, horse shit and chicken shit's.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot shit, or duck when shit hits the fan.
You can Dish out shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
Some people actually think..their shit don't stink.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry a mountain of shit or find yourself up a shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
Once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!

Shit Happens

2005-07-28T22:11:00.001-05:00

I have a friend that can't Function, wh out, her Cell Phone..
She's not the only one, out there, that has to have,
their, Cell in Hand...No matter if, they're Home Or Gone..

Last month at the Dr.'s Office I was trying to read a Book.
Waiting in a Dr. Office isn't Fun & Usually a Long Wait.
This one lady, talked about her date, the night before, to three
people..She was getting on my nerves, because she was so loud..
The Loud Voice really wasn't As annoying, as her Wild Child, that was
Even Louder..She repeated, the same story over & over, wh all three parties.
But, the funny thing was, She changed the version, of the story, with each person..
She had to know, Myself & Others, could hear her conversations "Loud & Clear".
But, she kept on Talking...Or should I say, Lying & didn't seem to Care..

What about the Drivers that can Talk & Drive & Eat & Apply Makeup,
While changing their Radio stations & never miss a Beat...
Do these people practice? To be so good at Multi-Tasking...
I have problems reading the ID, when My Cell Rings..
My Cell is pre-set, for pushing someones name (1 little button)!
While driving, I have problems wh that..And If Your Name isn't stored
On my Cell, "Forget - About - It"..I want be calling you, for sure..

I was in a small Boutique, the other day & A Cell phone rang..
Everyone Stopped in their tracks, to check & see if it was theirs.
I kept on shopping, as I thought to myself...
Someone-Pleaseeee... answer that Annoying Sound...The ringing finally stopped.
You know, when that reminder Ring Alerts you? That you have a message..
Well, that Ring-Ring-Ring...started Alerting...Everyone in the Store.
I told the Sales Lady, at the Counter...
I wish Whoever It Was? Would turn that Damn Phone Off..
Guess What??(blushing)... The Lady said in a soft voice, to Me..
Sweetie, it sounds like, it might be, your purse ringing!

Oh Shit! She Was Right! It Was MY F**king Cell...
Oh Well...What the Hell..Shit Happens...LOL.

Panic Attacks Tips

2005-07-27T22:32:00.000-05:00

They are several kinds of Mental Illness'...
Each Type is Severe & Serious...In severe cases...
Meds & Machines become, your new best friends & family...
Your Thinking & functioning has been stripped away...
Induced by a Head or Physical Trauma or Unexplainable Defect.
Sure, there ones, who dump, their meds & the machines...
Just to feel half Normal... Sadly, It's not IF? they relapse? It's When?
Unfortunately, a relapse in severe cases, is going to happen..

Then you have your mental illness', that has been created, by you..
These patients try to medicate themselves or drink away the diesease..
These People say - "Doctors", Yeah Right"..I'm Not Nuts".."I'm Alright"..
Finally the attacks frightened you, to the point, You give in & go to ER
With Heart Attack Symptoms...Hyperventaling, Nausea,
Numbness, mainly in fingers & lips, Dizziness, Ringing In the Ears-ETC...
Just to hear, the Dr. tell You, that there's nothing, wrong with you?

This mental illness is none as "Panic Disorder"..
The Worse Fear of A Panic Disorder Person(s) is simply..
They are Petrified, that an attack, will re-occur at anytime.
Some People, even become Reclusive..

Out of the blue, talking or laughing wh friends, you get this woozy feeling,
then you take a deep breath & try to shake it off..You're fine on the outside,
but, your insides, are running the Show..Damn, You forget what you were saying?
Feeling embaressment, making a mistake can trigger, another skip, of the heart.
Some People have control, over stopping a panic attack,Right Then.
But, the beginners start to sweat, have problems swallowing, catching their breath,
While this is happening, You're thinking, you're going Crazy or having a Heart Attack,
And Everyone is watching You...

Theres Hope, for Anyone willing to try these simple methods, that has Saved Many
from embarressing moments, to seeing your Life Flash By. Until finding yourself,
dropping to your knees, thanking God, the mental storm, has passed..
Then comes the endless apology to the person(s)/ witnessing, your strange behavior..
Never Apologize, for experiencing, such a Horrorfic Event.

It is & can be VERY Scary..But, I Promise..It will Pass.
Spells may last, anywhere from a minute to thirty minutes..
Worse thing will happen, you might pass out from Hyperventalating.
Always have handy, a small brown paper bag...Place opening over your mouth,
inhale & exhale for a min. or so & your breathing will slow down & easier to breathe.

If You're one of the few, that are aware, the signs are starting?You can beat it!
When a Panic Attack starts messing wh you...It's up to you to Stop &
calm yourself & hopefully you have someone wh you. .
Someone that is familar wh: what You need & what You don't need..
I Promise You, "You Are Not Going Crazy Or Dying"...
It's those unconsious worries, you hold inside, that gets the better of You..

I hope this helps, at least 1 person, out there..
Because, there is medication & therapy to treat this type of
Self Induced-Mental Illness..Then Eventually, No medication is needed..

God Bless & Good Luck To You...

The Middle One

2005-07-26T22:32:00.000-05:00

I was born a Middle Child...The middle child syndrome, Only applies, if Siblings are All, the same sex..As I've grown up. Certain things, from the past, have stuck in my Mind..

Dad or Mom would always say to me...She's Older Thats Why? Or She's the Baby...That's Why? Has Anyone, out there...Ever heard? She's the "Middle One"...That's Why? IF SO? Let Me Know..(smiling)..Thank You...

From hand-me downs to second choices..From hearing...When you're older, Maybe, We'll see? Or You're Too old, for that...Don't be Silly...

Having an older sister & a younger sister, has its cheers and jeers...Sometimes being the "middle one" can bring me, to tears...Not only Family, but friends...can do the same thing, to Me. Being put in the middle (without a choice)..Can be a Pain in the ASS !

What I find that differs, from Family & Friends is that...I always make up, with My Family...But, as Far as Friends can be...When they start pulling Me, in the middle, of their Bull Shit Drama..Rhutt Rhoa! Ooooops! Big Mistake! Save Your Drama for YOUR-OWN-MOMMA !
Because, this girlfriend is Out of Here...hahaha.

btw: I have to be honest...
I'm so Blessed to have 2- Beautiful Sisters /2-Best Friends...(smiling)...
They both know, I'm just Giving them, a hard time, in my Blog, above...
Because, Now as Adults Sisters...We Share & Show Are LOVE - ALWAYZ ;-).